I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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