So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
