well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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