I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
