Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
