That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
