We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
