Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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