Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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