3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
sex in a hospital.. check
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
