I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
