when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
