i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
