your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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