Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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