I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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