ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
