i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
