woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
