These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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