A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
