there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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