Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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