I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
