bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
