i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
