too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
