If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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