dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
