Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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