Who did Billy Mays play for?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
