Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
