Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
