i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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