Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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