I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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