the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize