Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
