R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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