So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
