He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
