Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
