I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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