Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we made out on top of his cat.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You're like the curious george of whores
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
