Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
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If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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