he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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