Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
