i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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