You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
