I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
where are my eyebrows?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
