girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
