Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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