You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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