dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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