I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
