I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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