They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
