Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
