He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
