Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
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I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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