woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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