well I can't set my house on fire every night
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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