I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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