If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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