he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
