gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
