I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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