Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have aggressive nipples.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
