Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
