it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My penis needs a shock collar
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
