I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
