Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
