tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
