bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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