OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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