that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
