Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
