fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
