as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
