he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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