I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
