i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
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Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
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I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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