Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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