He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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