i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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